“I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done”

Thy Will Be Done – Hillary Scott & The Scott Family

Lord this can be so hard to live out. It’s crazy how exciting and scary saying this can be. I am excited for all you have in store this year and I feel so excited and refreshed now that I’m getting back into everything the day-to-day holds. At the same time, I’m nervous and impatient. I like to know how things are going and what is in store, especially when I look at what has changed in the areas of my life that I am so used to having filled.

I feel this tingly excitement when I think of all the opportunities I have and I can jump into. I feel like You are going to do incredible things and I can’t wait to see it.

I think that’s why I cried as I prayed to you in the car today. Something got to me and I started becoming doubtful of who I am and what is going to happen or could happen. Letting go, like really letting go, and saying let thy will be done is hard but liberating. It’s amazing. And I pray that everyday I can live that fully and believe in it even more.

You are an amazing God and I’m reminded of it daily. Just thinking of the fact that I can feel anxious, excited, secure, confused, joyful, and sad all at once is an incredible thing. It blows my mind and makes me speechless.

You’re leading me and guiding me into new friendships, new opportunities, and great ways to step outside my comfort zone to push myself and do the things that scare me but will help me grow.

I’m finding comfort in learning more about the people in my life and getting to pour my all into each friendship that I have – more than ever before!! I love getting to create my group of people that mean the world to me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why sometimes it is so hard to believe in and rest in saying “thy will be done”, Lord. It is so hard to give up all control and all power over a situation and what your future will look like.  I struggle with this for sure. I can say it in my mind a million times and it’s all I want – His will done, and not mine – but it is so hard to let go at the same time.

I like control and knowing what will happen or what is to come – I think a lot of us do! I have learned time and time again that His will is never what my will is. He knows, more than I do, what is best for me and what will align me closer to the woman He has created me to be.

I know I’ve been thinking a lot about this as I enter into a new decade (which, btw, is SO weird to say let alone think). Something that keeps popping into my mind with this though is a question we were asked in church last Sunday.  Our pastor, Jeff, told us that our answer to this question affects how we move on in life and how our faith can grow or change. It’s a defining question of how you look at life. He simply asked, “Is God a giver, or a taker?” This question is one I’ve never really thought of before. I know that God gives and always provides for His people. As I read through the Bible last year, I saw over and over again how great of a God we have. He is always there for His people, even if they aren’t His people currently.

But when I really think of this question and apply it to how I’ve approached situations in the past, I would be lying to say I haven’t thought that God took Jessie, or that He took away a great love I thought I had found.

One of my good friends Ellie reminded me right after a situation though that God never takes away, only the Devil can take away. And this really is so true.

Jessie is no longer with us, but God has given us the ability to help other families. God has provided time and time again for this foundation – we would not be where we are today if God was not truly at work! His fingerprints are on everything we’ve done. Even though I’ve lost some things in my life personally, God has given me the greatest gifts in friendships that are real and life-long. He’s shown me love through these friendships I never saw before or thought I had. He’s shown me my best friends and He’s filled that piece of me that I thought was missing! God has given me multiple new opportunities this year already as well, all of which I NEVER expected to land before me.

It’s crazy how good He really is, and your whole perspective shifts when you realize that God really is a giver.

I feel excited and electric and joyful thinking of what God will give to me in these next decades and I am constantly going to be reminding myself that I want His will to be done, not mine. He created the intricate and delicate details of my being. He knows me more than I will ever know myself, and He sees the path He has already laid out in front of me. I can’t fight His plans, I can try, but it will end up in a mess that I do not want. He is a good, good father and I am learning to rest in saying, “Lord, let thy will be done” and then letting go.

Try this with me today. I pray that you feel lighter and that you feel His joy come upon you!

xoxo,

Shaya